Connection
by Navyfan
Summary: Judd and TK are talking after Owen tells Tk ybout the cancer. Plays shortly after 1x03 and before the two boys start to get along. *Rated T for language* Please review.
1. Chapter 1

Do you know the feeling of falling in your sleep? You close your eyes not even realizing that you are close to falling asleep and suddenly, out of the nowhere, a black hole his swallowing you. Your eyes snap open and you are left panting until you calm down again being left with the feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach.

This feeling was the closest way for TK do describe how he felt right now. He was sitting in the bathroom he and his father were sharing trying to breath properly. GRANISETRON. The only thing he had wanted to do was find a gum in his fathers office but now he would do undo everything. Looking at his watch he whipped away a tear that had escaped his eyes. It was almost seven pm so his father would he home soon. He got up from the toilet seat and moved in front of the mirror seeing how many emotions were running trough his eyes.

TK shook his head and splashed cold water into his face taking in a deep breath. Looking up again his face was a mask without emotions. TK tried a small smile but it looked fake even to him. Moving to the living room he carefully sat on the sofa starring straight at his shoes. No matter what the last thing he wanted was to let his thoughts take their own way. Suddenly he heard the keys turning in the lock and then his father entered the room. Of course he would know that something wasn't right with TK. Owen had always known when his son was lost in thoughts. "Hey son, why aren't you sleeping?" TK let out a humorless laugh. "Wasn't tired." Owen sighed. "What's wrong son?" TK's eyes were glassy from the tears he refused to let slip. "I just wanted to find a gum in your office but instead I found a bottle of pills called Granisetron or how ever you pronounce that shit. I looked it up. It's against nausea of cancer treatments. But you know that right?"

Owen knew that it was bad. "Son, I wanted to tell you, really!" "How long did you know about the cancer?" Owen couldn't look his son in the eye. He knew that alll he would find would be anger and hurt. "Before we left New York."

TK furiously stood up. "Wow. You must think that I'm am damn weak if you are not telling me such an important thing!" Owen rubbed his suddenly tired eyes. "No Taylor. I didn't think that you were weak. I was just trying to keep you safe." TK took a step away from his father who was coming towards him. "No Dad. You don't need to lie. You think that I am weak because of what happened in New York but you had no right keeping that from me. I have a right to know what is going on in your life especially if you are slowly dying in front of my eyes, don't you think?"

Owen tried to grab his sons arm but TK pulled away. Suddenly Owen felt overwelmed and exhausted. "You know what TK? Maybe I was scared that it would happen again. Maybe I can't help but relive the moment I opened the door and all I could see was my son lying on the floor dead. Not breathing and in cardiac arrest because of his stupid addiction. I don't wanna see that ever again so maybe yes, maybe I think that you could relapse." He stopped his rant when he finally realised what he had said only seconds ago. "Tk, I'm sorry. Please, I didn't mean it. I'm just tired and worked up." He tried to apologize but it was vainly. The damage was done and Owen could see his son detaching himself from his emotions.

"Please Taylor. I didn't mean it. Come here, TK."

TK slipped away from his fathers touch and moved towards the door. "I'm gonna take a walk. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get high or whatever you might fear." With that he closed the door behind himself and almost ran to the street. It was almost dark outside and the the streets were empty as if the whole world knew that TK Strand wanted to be alone right know. He wandered around aimlessly not knowung what to do with himself he began to wander towards the firestation 126.

When he stood outside the huge building he kind of lost it. His world was crumbling around him and the last thing he had had was his Dad. Now he had even screwed that up with his overdose. He leaned in the wall and slid down slowly. He was falling and there was no end. The floor had been ripped away from under him and it felt like the strange dreams everyone sometimes gets. But this time there was no sudden end where you open your eyes and everything is normal again. His head was spinning around no matter how often he shook his head or blinked. TK's mind and his body was scream for a dose of pills but he just couldn't find the strength to get up and find a dealer.

Maybe it was for the best but all he could think about was his father dying and him not doing anything because what could you do for a man with cancer except of standing at his bedside and swearing him again and again that you are not leaving him?

Tk could feel his thoughts spiraling out of control but he could do nothing about it. He was weak just like his Dad had admitted to him earlier this evening. He had hurt his Dad deeply by overdosing bacjk in New York and now his own father couldn't trust him not to kill himself with drugs when he gets bad news. "I'm a fucking weak junkie." His words were only a whisper but he flinched hard when suddenly someone stepped out of the dark and actually answered him. "Sure, you are an idiot but a weak junkie? I don't know." When the person stepped into the light TK could see that it was actually Judd who answered him.

"Shit. What are you doin' here? Are you a stalker?" Judd had to laugh. "Nah, I have better things to do than searching for the coaches son just to bring him home." TK buried his head in his arms which were crossed on his legs, drawn to his chest. For a moment Judd was actually sorry for the kid. No one deserved to hear that their father had cancer and that he would probably die especially when you were only 24 years old. "Listen TK. I'm sorry for your father having cancer but you are the one thing keeping him alive. If you just vanish or try something stupid I swear he is not gonna survive that." TK looked up at the tall man looking down at him like he was a little kid.

"How do you know about the cancer?" Judd was annoyed. "For real kid? I come here to find your sorry ass and all you have to ask is how I know about your father having cancer?" TK rose up from the ground. "Yeah. That's my fucking right. I know it since I don't know, one hour? And you come here waltzing into my life, into my personal space and say something like -sorry your father's dying-?"

Judd rubbed his already tired eyes and tried to find the right words in order not to aggrivate TK even more. "I knew it, okay?" TK began to walk up and down. "OKAY? NO, it's not okay. I had the right to know. I am his damn son. And he tells it some stranger." Judd grabbed his shoulder but TK shook it away. "TK you have to calm down. You are starting to hyperventilate. He told me because I needed to hear that I'm not the only one struggling in life."

The pressure on TK's chest was making it harder and harder for him to breath properly. "I'm struggling too! I needed to hear that too. I'm not that weak. I wouldn't have-" Suddenly his vision went black and his legs gave away underneath him. Judd's reaction was the only reason that TK's body wasn't meeting the pavement with full force. But Judd was struggling to hold the dead weight of TK up.

Carefully he laid him down and dialed Michelles number on his cellphone. "Michelle? I need you at the fire station. TK collapsed on me and I'm worried…. Yeah, thanks. And Michelle? Please don't tell Owen. He has enough on his mind already!"

Firing up the lights around station 126 Judd could see how pale TK actually was. He felt for the pulse and all he could tell was that it was very fast and maybe arrhythmic. "Damn it TK. What mess did you get yourself into?" running for a first aid kit he tried to think of all possibilities. Looking into Tk's eyes he couldn't see something strange. They were isocore and not delayed. "Come on boy. I'm not telling your Dad that you fainted on me or else he will really think that you're weak." Judd began to open up the buttons on TK's dark Shirt. "Shit. What the hell his that?"

He could see a huge dark bruise running from Taylors right rips to his hip. It had already turned purple and Judd could tell that it was a few days old but it had to be painful non the less. Suddenly a cruiser came up the street making an awful noise as it braked. Michelle jumped out of the jeep taking her medical bag with her. "What happened Judd?"

"I've no idea. We spoke and he began to breath faster and faster so I told him to calm down and suddenly he collapsed on me. I managed to catch him so he didn't fall on his head but I found this bruise on his torso." Michelle pulled away the fabric cutting it lose. "Damn. That look painful. I think he passed out because of the pain. And no one of you knew that?" Judd shook his head. "Nah, but I have the feeling that I know where it's from."

Michelle pulled up one eyebrow. "And where from would that be?" She took out her stethoscope listening to TK's chest. Judd was still looking at the boy laying motionless on the ground. "Yesterday we were on a call in a local silo. TK went under when he tried to help Marjan. His head went in first and it took as a bit to cut the silo so that they fell out." Michelle nodded. "Okay, but Marjan doesn't have these bruises has she?" Judd shrugged. "I don't think so but I also didn't think that TK had bruises." "I understand. Can you give me the oxygen mask?" Judd reached over giving her the face mask. They both sat in silence for a few minutes before TK's eyes began to flutter. Michelle tapped him on the cheeks a few times. "Come on pretty boy. Wake up." TK groaned and flinched at the pain when Michelle touched his rib cage. "That was for not telling anyone that you bruised your ribs. That is dangerous TK!" TK tried to sit up but he needed the help of Judd. "I'm a trained paramedic myself so please. I knew that it was nothing serious."

Michelle looked at Judd surprised but Judd was surprised himself. "You are a paramedic?" TK nodded. "Yeah imagine. The gay boy has more qualities than just following his father around." Judd felt bad for the comment he had made yesterday. "Come on. I didn't mean it. I was just shocked when I saw you going under and I got..." "Triggered. I understand that and I'm not mad at you but now you know. I am a paramedic and a firefighter and still I'm doing bullshit. Who would have thought?"

She could feel the tension and decided to let the two boys alone so they would have time and space to talk. "Are you sure you are okay?" TK nodded so she began to pack her bag. "I am gonna let the oxygen and the mask here. Your breath is a bit too shallow so you should take in more oxygen. Just put it into the station when you go." TK nodded and grabbed her wrist before she could go. "I was an ass Michelle. Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me to know that someone cares." Michelle smiled and nodded at him. "Sure. No problem. Take these for the pain and please take it ease for a while." Taylor nodded and stuffed the pills into his pocket instead of taking them.

Judd looked at Michelles car leaving before he turned back to TK. "Come on." TK was confused. "Where?"

Judd rolled his eyes. "To me. I'm sure that you don't want to go home right now so I'm taking you with me because you have no shirt and you are in no condition to walk the streets of Austin. So don't make a fuss and come with me, alright?" Struggling to get up he still refused to let Judd help him. The ride to Judds home was quiet but when he pulled up to his house he could hear TK's breath speed up again. "Hey dude, I'm tryna talk with you okay? You need someone to understand you and if someone understands that you just got bad news than it's me. You are afraid to lose your Dad and I understand but I did already lose my brothers so I know what grief is."

TK couldn't decide if he should say something or if he would regret it later. He choose to not comment on Judds words but instead he stared at the beautiful big house in front of him. "Won't your wife be angry that you brought someone home that late?" Judd laughed. "Nah boy. She is a dispatcher and she understands us fire fighters more than anyone I've ever met." "Thanks. You know. For talking and taking me with you and all that shit. I'm sorry I scared you earlier and yesterday. It wasn't my intention to disobey you but I had to follow my instinct." Judd opened his door. "It's okay. I understand and I think I would have done the same thing."

Leading the way towards the door both men fell into silence ones again. After closing the door quietly Judd laid his keys onto the table in the kitchen and went to grab two bottles of water.

He heard a gasp and when he turned around he could see Grace looking at TK's exposed and bruised chest. "Oh honey, what happened to you?" TK starred at his feet not knowing what to answer so Judd decided to intervene. "Hey babe. Didn't want to wake you but TK had a rough time so I told him that he could come with me. The bruise is from a case we had yesterday and I called a paramedic. She says it's not that bad."

Grace nodded. "Ah, the hero who tried to safe his co-worker not hesitating to put his own life in danger. Alright. I'm gonna prepare the guest room." Tk wanted to say her that it wouldn't be necessary but she was faster. "Don't even think that you'll sleep on the couch. You need to heal and a sofa is no place to do so." "Thank you Grace. I don't know what to say." She smiled at him. "You don't have to say anything to me but you should talk to my man. He understands you more than you'd think."


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the second chapter. I ope you like it and please leave a review so I know if you like it and to motivate myself to write more. If you have an idea or something you would like to read about please write me and i'll see what I can do.

Talking

Judd took a glass from the cupboard filling it with water. Now he was standing there leaning on the kitchen thinking about what he should ask TK and what not. He felt the presence of Grace behind him and then he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up Judd, ask God for the right words and he will give you the confidence to talk to TK. I guess that he had a hard time so treat careful but don't give up on him, alright?" Judd smiled at Graced and kissed her. "I love you sweetheart and I don't wanna lose you ever."

He took the glass and made his way over to the guest bedroom. "Hey TK. Drink that. You don't look so good." TK nodded and sipped at the water. "Thank you Judd. You know, for taking me in. I don't wanna be a burden so I'm gonna be gone in the morning." Judd shook his head. "Nah, you are staying as long as you need to. The Captain and you and the whole team were there for me every step of my coming back and now I am going to help you because you are clearly struggling with everything going on. "

TK sighed and sat down the almost full glass of water. "I don't wanna be ungrateful but I am sure that you have no clue what I am going through." Judd looked down at his shoes grinning slightly. "The day my brothers died I was laying on my back. I wasn't able to move the slightest bit and that terrified me. I could hear the flames crackling and the water was still gushing from a hose but the only thing I could see was the deep black sky above me. Even the moon was gone and my mind was blank-" TK shifted uncomfortably. "Judd, please, you don't have to tell me that. It's your private thing-" But Judd wasn't having it. "No TK, I have to tell you that because you have to see that I want the best for you and I'm not treating you like this just because I pity you. It's because I had Grace when I struggled and I know you have your father but you don't want to burden him. Am I right?"

TK nodded slightly. "He is the one literally dying and I'm the one causing him stress and problems. I have no idea why he is keeping up with my shit." Judd was surprised by Taylors words because he always had the feeling that TK loved being with his father and he had never thought that TK was less self confident than he appeared. "Come on TK. Owen loves you and he would do everything for you." TK began to chuckle lightly but it was humorless and drenched with anger. His words were so quiet but in the silence Judd was able to make them out. "He should have left me dead."

To say that Judd was shocked of these words would have been an understatement. TK always seemed so happy with life and Judd never would have thought that TK regrets to live. "Hey brother, what you mean with that?" TK was too ashamed to look at Judd but he deserved to hear the truth about the suicidal fireman. Judd and the whole team were putting their lives in TKs hands but he wasn't fair to them. It was their decision if they wanted to work with a junkie. Judd broke the silence first. "I that about what you said earlier? About being an addict?" TK nodded and suddenly he had the courage to talk with Judd. He had the right to know.

"Back in New York I had a boyfriend. I loved him so much, at least I thought that I did and I was gonna propose. You have no idea how nervous I was that evening." Judd smiled. "Hell when I was going to propose to Grace my hands were sweating like hell." Tk had to grin at the thought of Judd being nervous but he had to finish his story before he would lose his nerves again. "Yeah I had everything prepared and I even reserved in a fancy restaurant. But everything went wrong that evening. Alex said that he loved another man and I was devastated so I made the wrong decision."

TK had to stop talking because his throat was closing up to the point were he had the feeling to suffocate. "I overdosed."

He spit the words out and suddenly he felt trapped. Everything was closing up on him and the silence from Judd gave him the rest. "I'm sorry. You should have known before we started working together and you have every right to say that I am a bad firefighter. I'm an asshole and I know it but being a firefighter is everything I have left. If you and the team don't wanna work with me anymore than I'm gonna transfer somewhere else. I should go now." He grabbed his things of the nightstand in a hurry and was on his way out of the bedroom door when he felt a hand closing around his wrist. "TK STOP. I don't want you to transfer anywhere. You are a great firefighter and I never questioned that you would protect us at all times. We are a team and I see you in that team. No matter what you told me seconds ago. It doesn't make you a worse person but it makes the bond in out team stronger to know that we are all vulnerable and that we need each other. "

TK could feel the tears in his eyes but at the moment he couldn't care less about Judd seeing him crying. "Thank you so much. I wish I've had friends like all of you when I was a teenie. Maybe I wouldn't have become an addict." Judd sighed and pulled TK towards the bed. "As much I like the open conversation we are having, you need to sleep. You were hurt, and I'm still angry that you didn't tell us, and you have had a long and exhausting day. Get some shuteye and in the morning we can talk about what happened back in New York, alright?" TK nodded shyly. "Thanks Judd. I appreciate what you've done for me." Judd turned of the light and stood on the doorway for a second while TK adjusted the blankets around himself. "Our door is the next on the left. If you need anything at all come over or call out. No matter how late okay?" "Yeah DAD."

Tks reply left Judd grinning. Yeah he kind of go the feeling that he played Tks father but somehow he didn't have a problem with that. He liked the kid and the more he got to know about TK the more he could see that Taylor was still an insecure boy with the fear of losing his beloved father.

"Good Night, brother."

The thoughts in TKs head were making him crazy and the only thing that he could do was lying on the damn bed and staring at the white ceiling. It was a bit after one in the night when TK decided that he couldn't stay in bed anymore. He pulled away the covers and tip toed down the hallway. When he came down the stairs he saw a series of photos on the wall. He hadn't seen them on his way up but now the moon was shining on a few of them directly. When he looked at them he saw Judd and Grace in most of them. He saw a photo of a teenager and it looked like Grace standing at her fathers side. She was smiling brightly and her father looked at her proudly while her mother held a testimony into the camera.

The next photo showed the parents of Judd and Grace standing on their sides at their wedding. The flowers in Graces hands were lightly purple and her wedding was shining as bright as the bride herself. TK was overcome with emotions because suddenly he realized that he would possibly never marry anyone and even if he would marry sometime, his dad would not be there. He could feel the emotions rising in his chest and within seconds tears were leaking out his eyes. His hands became shaky and all he wanted was a cup of water in order to wash away the sudden dryness in his mouth so he made his way over to the kitchen and searched through the cupboards.

Finally grabbing a glass he filled it with water from the sink. His hands were still shaking slightly so he grabbed the glass harder not noticing the light now coming from the hallway. Grace had heard the guest roaming through the house so she decided to ask TK if he needed something. She didn't expect to surprise TK in the kitchen but when she saw the young men shaking in the kitchen the quietly called out for TK. She had been really quiet but TK still startled and the glass slipped from his grasp and shattered on the hard floor.

Tks hands flew over his ears in shock and for a second Grace could see that fear in the eyes of TK who came across like a child more than a grown man. But the image fled as fast as it came that Grace almost thought that she had imagined it. "I'm so sorry Grace. I'll clean the mess up immediately." TK was already reaching or the shards of glass before Grace could say anything. "No TK. It's fine. I didn't mean to startle you. Let me get the hoover." A hiss escaped TKs lips when a sharp edge cut into the flesh of his finger. Grace stopped in her track and went for the first aid kid in the kitchen. With a small bandage she dressed the cut. "Come on TK. Let's go to the living room. I want to get a better look at you." TK wanted to resist but he didn't have the energy to say anything against her so let himself be led towards a sofa.

"I am sorry Grace. All I do is create a mess everywhere I go. I'll clean that up and I will pay for the broken glass." Grace looked TK in the eyes and smiled. "I don't care about the glass but I certainly care about you and I know for a fact that you don't create a mess everywhere you go."

TK snorted. "Sure. My Dad is in pain because of me and Judd gets triggered because I am not even able to listen to what he says." Grace laid TKs hand back into his lap. "It may be that Judd got triggered but that isn't your fault. He gets triggered by a lot of things because he went through a really bad time. I went with him through all the problems and I know how it looks when a persons gets lost in memories. I can tell that you went trough some bad things yourself because your reaction back there in the kitchen was not something a grown man does. It's the reaction of a scared kid." TK went into full panic. "Never had he let anyone see that vulnerable side of him. He had always managed to hide the memories of his childhood." Grace immediately noticed the slight change in TK. His pupils were dilated and his breathing was more erratic. "Hey TK. You have to calm down a notch. You are still hurt and I don't want you to faint on me. I wont force you to talk to me but you have to breath more calmly, please."

It was not that TK didn't want to be calm but he couldn't control his emotions anymore. The walls were falling apart and the craving for Oxycodon or something else was growing quickly. The only thing Grace could think of in order to help TK was to embrace him so she pulled him into a tight hug rocking him slightly from side to side. "You are okay. Everything is going to be okay." Her voice was calm and she could recognize the feeling of her talking to a victim on the phone but this time she could feel the other person. She could feel the shaking of TKs body. He was now full on sobbing and it didn't seem as if he would calm down soon. But that was okay because Grace had no intention of leaving him alone for a while.

Out of the corner of her eyes she could see Judd leaning against the doorway. He was smiling at her because he knew exactly how calming it felt to be embraced in her arms. You could feel safe as if the world had no chance of bothering you. Sure it was strange to see another man in her arms but he trusted her and on the other side he knew that TK was homosexual so he had no doubts there. It was just his beautiful wife helping on of his brothers going trough a really hard time. Judd smiled at Grace and mouthed a 'Thank you' at her. She smiled back at him and continued to rub over TKs back. "You'll be alright. God can help you with anything. You just have to talk to him and tell him all your fears." TKs sobs were slowly turning into hiccups and after a while his breathing evened out. She knew that TK had fallen asleep so she winked Judd over to help her. Together they managed to lay TK down without waking him up.

Judd kissed Grace and enveloped her into a tight hug just like she had done with TK. "How could I have deserved a wise and caring wife like you? I don't know how I would have survived without you." Grace grinned back at him. "How could I have deserved the forgiveness of God? It's love. And that all that matters." Judd kissed her again. "How right you are. I really love you. How could someone not love you? Let's get back to sleep. I think he will be asleep for a while. His day was long and the emotional rollercoaster was exhausting." Grace squinted at the sleeping form of TK. "I would like to stay here. Maybe he needs something else later or he will wake up because of a nightmare like you do often. He shouldn't wake up alone now." Smiling at Grace Judd nodded. "I understand what you mean. You are in your full mother mode and I know I can't stop you. I'll get a few blankets. The couch is comfortable enough to sleep on one night. I'll take the first shift and you take over in a few hours. It's more likely for him to wake up in the morning than in the night so you should probably be here in there morning."

Grace smiled and nodded. "You are right. And you are a good brother to TK. That is the most important thing right now. I'll see you in a bit. Sleep tight but keep an eye on our guest. I'm starting to like the spoiled city boy." Judd couldn't help but turn red. "You know that I didn't mean it like that. I like him too. He is my brother and he doesn't deserve what he has to go through alone."

"No one has to struggle alone. The lord is right by his side but he has to learn to trust his plans. Even if it's hard sometimes."


End file.
